A New Beginning

I clutch the phone in my hand
I stare dead into the nightstand
Tears choke back, I fight to breathe
Waiting for that creepy thought to seep
Amongst the anguish and the fear
Plop falls the first tear
Stumbling and failing to grasp reality
I sit down grappling with my sanity
Memories fly by and I lose control
Silently praying with my whole and soul
The words continue ringing in my head
I felt sorry and mad and I felt naked
Like the love had been snatched away from me
I couldn't feel, I couldn't think, I couldn't see
And then came my strength alive
Rose my spirits beyond and high
Not for you I won't ever wait
For all the lessons of love and hate
Today is a new day - clear as glass
The previous feeling will never last
And closing my eyes I say to thee
Thank you for introducing a new me.

Heartbeats

My graph changes

My breath gets caught
Words clutter aimlessly
My head confused with the thought

And my heart asks,
How do I say goodbye to someone I never really had?

A path lost, so vague
Never asking for directions
A momentary lapse
Shakes my controlled emotions

And my heart asks,
Why do my tears fall so endlessly for someone who was never really mine?

An astounding loss broke through
My conscience spun around
Deep inside me stirred something
Reminding me of the time that wound

And my heart asks,
Why is it I miss someone I was never really with?

Gripping the edges
I let my heart beat a while
Soliciting a response true
Yet so amazingly distant

And my heart asks,
And why do I love someone whose love was never really mine?

Will I ever get answers to this?
Will I be left fending for myself?
No compass shows me the direction
No hand guides me
I will find them right n soon
'Cause I haven't come here to stay.

Scared to Hope

I sense a calling

I feel a knowing
I drift away
Towards a strange feeling

I peer around
Searching for a familiar trust
Prodding deep in the surroundings
Layers form dirt beneath the crust

My heart thuds hastily
Knowing not that it can hope

Because hope not
It has been taught
Over and above those scenes
That hope bought

It crashed
Crashed so bad
That healing was something
Difficult and a distant tad

Yet running away didn’t help
Which wasn’t the first choice at all
It was forced and laden upon
Cruelly, to come out of it all

Now here are the thoughts
And choices to make
Sprinting awry are
The numerous decisions at stake

Life was strategically held
Edging the crevice
Silent thinking came to the rescue
And now all that matters is
A simple and yet a complex summarize

Desires

I want you to be

Always here with me
Besides, holding my hand
And loving me

I want you to care
Like I'm the only one
I want you to feel
The same mood that I adorn

I had a wish
That only you could fulfill
To sate me
And cajole me and heal

I wanna be cared for
I wanna be pampered
I want all my wishes
Immediately to be catered

I wanna be on
The top of this world
I wanna shout out loud
And watch faces unfurl

Till then I'll wait
And watch time go by
Right behind is the end
Which will bring happiness
Pure and shy

Clueless

Across the horizon, below the light

Seemingly distant yet shining so bright

Calling out to me like never before

A voice so innocent, rare and pure

Within me I find what ought not to be there

Pulling and crushing me wholly bare

Winding me up in its shallow layer

I’m still; I’m stunned, and much too bothered to care

Away from all, to a nameless space

To gamble away all my debts

To give a care, to give a thought

Be with them and oblivious to all

It’s not what I mean, what I mean to do

It becomes a cruel joke and just anew

In so many others lost out at bay

Still sore reminders of the past day

Is misunderstanding all that it takes to break?

Shatter into pieces that bond you’d made

What about the trust, the love, the fear

That’s been put in to brace and clear

All the doubts, all the hate

But it’s impossible to sate

All of them standing for you

With tenderness in their eyes, so true

Hurt them not, says the heart

But there are some things you can help not

Fortitude

Love hath no mercy, so I've seen

It tests your patience and brings you back where you've already been.

Trust is your enemy, suspicion your friend

Fuel either one up and shattered glass is all that remains.

Cautiously tread the new path of love

It hampers you, stomps and pushes you down and low.

Pile of sorrows, wreckage of the heart

Crushes you even lower, until you are all wrought.

Buckle up, give it back and be stronger

The happy ending’s just there, hold a little longer.

Enliven the Draft

Breathing of the mind, baring of the soul

Heart of stone, so sad and cold

Living the draft of God's own plans

Carving your own way with your own hands

I don’t know why and what is wrong

I don’t understand the ways of the throng

I smile, I laugh, I giggle and I play along

I turn deaf to my sorrows as if they are long gone

It hurts when you don’t understand me

It hurts when you are not ready to see

The pain, the ache, the soreness of it all

Lending an ear to your constant sorrows of the fall

You should have comprehended me

My unspoken sentiments and my closed up glee

Because I couldn’t let it out, wild and free

Nor could I think out loud for the world to see

It’s a connection, a telepathic spark

That had to be there from the start

Lost it was as lost as myself

First it wavered and then it failed

I’m sure we’ll restructure the foundation

That very base of our branded existence

We were there and we are here

To animate the sketch drawn earlier

Waiting For You

Crazy, oh oh oh oh oh…the day seems to be…

Busy, oh oh oh oh oh… the time is for me…

And I know, you won’t wait for meeeee…

But I hope as time flies by you can see…

Glancing at the past we had…

When you were here with me……

And now you’re not and am all alone

But I don’t want this…any of this…

And this time I pray, I say

Am waiting for you baby...

And that is true…it’s so true…oh oh oh…

Searching through the past I found

Memories...

Sneaking up behind the grounds

I found you waiting for me…..

And then it struck, then it came onto me….

Away somewhere…beyond the sphere…

I found a light...

Glancing at the past we had…

When you were here with me……

And now you’re not and am all alone

But I don’t want this…any of this…

And this time I pray, I say

Am waiting for you baby

And that is true…it’s so true…oh oh oh….

Every….. Every time I wake up

I seek you…blindly…….

And then I find…nothing…that…happens to be you...

Freaked out…..I leave…..to come to you…

And then I know, then I sigh, as I watch you go by……

Glancing at the past we had…

When you were here with me……

And now you’re not and am all alone

But I don’t want this…any of this…

And this time I pray, I say

Am waiting for you baby

And that is true…it’s so true…oh oh oh….

Don’t disappoint me; don’t let me go…oh….

Don’t try my patience; don’t fly away…..ayyyyy ayyyy….

Baby am waiting, waiting for you…just you…..

Come to me…baby…..am waiting…for you…..oooooo oooo…..

Glancing at the past we had…

When you were here with me……

And now you’re not and am all alone

But I don’t want this…any of this…

And this time I pray, I say

Am waiting for you baby

And that is true…it’s so true…oh oh oh….

Don’t you know, don’t you understand

Where and why did I give you a chance

You had me then and there itself

When I looked you into the face….oh oh ohhh………

Glancing at the past we had…

When you were here with me……

And now you’re not and am all alone

But I don’t want this…any of this…yeayeayeay….

Oooohhh….

And this time I pray, I say….

Am waiting for you baby…

You’re not with me but I don’t want any of this…..

So am waiting for you……oh baby…..yeayyy….

And that is true…it’s so true…oh oh oh…that is true…oooooo yeay…so true…oh baby...