A New Beginning

I clutch the phone in my hand
I stare dead into the nightstand
Tears choke back, I fight to breathe
Waiting for that creepy thought to seep
Amongst the anguish and the fear
Plop falls the first tear
Stumbling and failing to grasp reality
I sit down grappling with my sanity
Memories fly by and I lose control
Silently praying with my whole and soul
The words continue ringing in my head
I felt sorry and mad and I felt naked
Like the love had been snatched away from me
I couldn't feel, I couldn't think, I couldn't see
And then came my strength alive
Rose my spirits beyond and high
Not for you I won't ever wait
For all the lessons of love and hate
Today is a new day - clear as glass
The previous feeling will never last
And closing my eyes I say to thee
Thank you for introducing a new me.

Heartbeats

My graph changes

My breath gets caught
Words clutter aimlessly
My head confused with the thought

And my heart asks,
How do I say goodbye to someone I never really had?

A path lost, so vague
Never asking for directions
A momentary lapse
Shakes my controlled emotions

And my heart asks,
Why do my tears fall so endlessly for someone who was never really mine?

An astounding loss broke through
My conscience spun around
Deep inside me stirred something
Reminding me of the time that wound

And my heart asks,
Why is it I miss someone I was never really with?

Gripping the edges
I let my heart beat a while
Soliciting a response true
Yet so amazingly distant

And my heart asks,
And why do I love someone whose love was never really mine?

Will I ever get answers to this?
Will I be left fending for myself?
No compass shows me the direction
No hand guides me
I will find them right n soon
'Cause I haven't come here to stay.

Scared to Hope

I sense a calling

I feel a knowing
I drift away
Towards a strange feeling

I peer around
Searching for a familiar trust
Prodding deep in the surroundings
Layers form dirt beneath the crust

My heart thuds hastily
Knowing not that it can hope

Because hope not
It has been taught
Over and above those scenes
That hope bought

It crashed
Crashed so bad
That healing was something
Difficult and a distant tad

Yet running away didn’t help
Which wasn’t the first choice at all
It was forced and laden upon
Cruelly, to come out of it all

Now here are the thoughts
And choices to make
Sprinting awry are
The numerous decisions at stake

Life was strategically held
Edging the crevice
Silent thinking came to the rescue
And now all that matters is
A simple and yet a complex summarize

Desires

I want you to be

Always here with me
Besides, holding my hand
And loving me

I want you to care
Like I'm the only one
I want you to feel
The same mood that I adorn

I had a wish
That only you could fulfill
To sate me
And cajole me and heal

I wanna be cared for
I wanna be pampered
I want all my wishes
Immediately to be catered

I wanna be on
The top of this world
I wanna shout out loud
And watch faces unfurl

Till then I'll wait
And watch time go by
Right behind is the end
Which will bring happiness
Pure and shy